The Spring of My Content
I’ve always been obsessed with the concept of time. I collect wind-up clocks. I love time travel movies. And quotes about time always seem to find me.
There are, of course, all the time quote cliches that people throw out:
“Time flies when you’re having fun.”
“What a difference a day makes.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
There are so many; some hit home, others fly by. But what strikes me most about time is how little respect I have for it. You’d think that being obsessed by the thought of it would mean I am “on time” all the time. Or, that I feel the value of time. But that’s not the case. My middle name could be Late. I procrastinate at infinitum… and I’m always wondering where time has gone.
So, this morning, when I realized I had been awake and lying in bed for more than an hour just feeling content, I decided to make a quick check of my email. I grabbed my phone, and there was proof that time flies… an email from my divorce attorney.
There’s now an end in sight. The final court date is set. My marriage will officially be over just weeks short of what would have been our 27th wedding anniversary. 27 years is a long time.
There was no sudden need to end the marriage. There was no tragic event that caused it, no headline-making justification. The truth is it was time.
There were years that felt like we were hibernating… That winter had set in, and we didn’t want to participate in the marriage. So we just were there. Clocks were ticking; hands were moving; we were asleep at the wheel. Time both dragged and flew by.
Inevitably, spring would come. Without ever outright saying it to each other, we’d begin to wake up, to feel like we were reborn; like we had another chance… To bloom. But we rarely did. And when we did… We soon found ourselves in the dead of winter again. And so it was for years. 26 years.
But when Spring came last, the alarm went off. I realized that it was time. It was time to stop procrastinating, to show up for life, to find happiness, to make the move we both seemed to want but neither had found the time to do. Even though we had tried… A lot… We simply couldn’t make each other happy.
I still love him. I adore both of the children we made. And I would probably even invoke Marty and Doc’s help for a trip in the Delorean back to some really great times we shared.
This morning I woke up on the edge of Spring without an alarm clock… But apparently on time.
Man, time flies.